Friday, April 16, 2010

are we ready yet....

our period of mourning and lamenting, why me, has come to an end and now i believe we are ready to go at it again. my belief and faith that this can happen is still the same as for goodness sake, look how far we've come, too far to give up now and if we got this far, it must be for a reason, else how else or why else are we here, in this place, at this time, so close yet so far?

here i was in nyc, after my 3rd miscarriage, ready to give away my $1,000 bug-a-boo that i had to have when my daughter was born when my husband said, "well why don't you ask that friend of yours who turned to a surrogate how she did it?" well, if you say so, I repied (how often does a wife say that!). so i knocked on the door of that friend and began my inquiry. she said her surrogate had retired but she knew of someone who heard about surrogacy in India. India! we both exclaimed with unheard of disbelief. yeah, India. so I ran upstairs to my apartment and immediately hit the internet, which is how I came to know all of you wonderful people. that's when a whole new world opened up to me.

from there the research began, a wonderful lady by the name of jenine contacted me stating she worked with a referral agency located in australia of all places. her response to every question i threw at her, just waiting to catch her off guard and say, "ah ha, I knew this was a hoax", dispelled every doubt in my mind and then she introduced me to a blessing, Dr. Shivani.

once my husband gave me the okay, i was on a mission. first step was to transport my 6 frozen embryos to Phoenex Hospital. no easy quest as i had a deadline in mind (before mercury the planet of communications went retrograde, known for snarling up communications). the transporter i located in san francisco backed out on me the very last minute, after my husband the lawyer gave him the third degree. with only a few days to go, with the help of Fed Ex to whom I am eternally grateful and of course the grace of God, I pulled it all together and off my wee ones went. if you've been reading this blog from the beginning, the rest of the story from there you know.

so here we go again. what's different this time.... only my attitude, my mental state, my openness to accept whatever the good Lord gives us; a girl, a boy, twins.... i'm open to it all. as we already have a beautiful beautiful little girl, of course i prayed and prayed for the next to be a boy. by doing this was I the one blocking my next little girl from coming into the world? by saying i want a boy, i don't want another girl, has kept my baby from coming, hence the miscarriages? I don't know. Is this all a little too esoteric? Well, maybe but since there is no scientific, physical reason for why we always get to the same point, the 15th day and the baby who is trying so hard to hold on, slips away, this is the only conduit left - the spiritual realm, from whince we all come. Honestly, I don't know. but I have to give it a try.

somehow it all seems so real now causing me to ask, are we ready yet


  1. I meet Dr. Shivani and fell in love with her, so will you.

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  3. HI coco

    I just found your blog. Glad to see you're still trying. Sometimes it takes a few goes. Come and join our forum - we're mainly Dr Shivani IPs - a nice group, lots of information and support, of course. Our group has 35 babes due through Dr Shivani by end of December. Let's hope we can add you to the due dates list!