Sunday, March 6, 2011

it just occurred to me...

it just occurred to me that not only was the day your baby(ies) were born your baby's birthday but it was also your graduation day! you are no longer an ip (intended parent) with a question mark but a full fledge parent with an exclaimation point. congratulations.

i often worried if i'd ever feel the full and true meaning of this baby being mine all mine. well i can telly you, five years later, yes this baby is mine all mine. not only is she beginning to resemble me she does things that i use to do when i was a little girl. i have felt love and a deep bonding connection from her looking into my eyes since the day she was born like no other love i have ever experienced in my life.

today i realized that surrogacy, ivf, fet and all of the other modern tools of science is possibly the most natural way in this universe to have a baby. this ephifany came about as i looked over the records of a new client we have who is involved in a paternity suit. there next to the child's name was "born out of wedlock." while baby was conceived "naturally" I began to think how sad their situation is and there is nothing natural about that. alternatively, what could be more natural than a miracle from God, which gave you your baby and if you're reading this blog then you know it took a miracle to have the baby you are holding in your arms right now.

so as anxities begin to creep in through all of the joy you're experiencing now that you are a parent, shoo them away. your baby traveled through the universe to be with you. make no mistake this baby is yours.

for all of you trying... keep trying!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

at this point in time

my dear surrogacy in india community,
how i miss you all so much. besides my immediate family i don't think there is anything or anyone else i feel so emotionally connected to. i keep up with you all like a distant admirer who is in awe of your courage and good fortune. i can't believe i have followed a distant miracle from the very beginning and now the boston couple have had their baby. i've been equally excited about everyone having their baby or babies as the case may be but for most, i've come aboard mid-stream, except for christmas eve boys and two afro dads, guess i've been here for awhile now. Going through the anxiety with you from day 1 to birth is a joy. it thrills me so as i vividly imagine the excitment of a dream come true. ahhhh

well coco and what's new with your life? would you believe it if i said nothing! maybe i'm becoming more thankful for the gifts that life has bestowed upon me if for no other reason than i don't want to become cynical. but when i tell you nothing has changed, nothing has. to find out what this really means just read back a few posts.

oh come on, something must be new... well yeah. we are currently going through kindergarten application/admissions for the fall 2011-12 term and talk about anxiety through the roof. we're talking about a serious, dog eat dog rat race here. the process has been unbelieveable. so we were told to apply to at least 10 schools however filling out the applications were time consuming and expensive, not to mention there weren't ten schools that we liked. so we applied to six, one of which we dropped out because after visiting the school we saw that it wasn't a fit for our daughter. the school, convent of the scared heart was way too strict, an all girls school, and the uniforms were yuck. now in order for this to make sense you have to understand, my julia is a girlie girl. what kind of mother would i be to douse her spirit by sending her to a convent. i'm told when you have only one child you don't want to send them to a single sex school or they will never properly socialize so the all girls thing was out. lastly, julia at the age of 5 is very particular about her dress, "pants are for boys and skirts are for girls." she doesn't like jeans or sneakers unless they have all kinds of stars and sparkles on them so the schools uniform of choice was definitely out - all of you new parents will learn to pick and chose your battles - i skirmmed at the thought of 13 years of fighting over having to wear the uniform everyday.

this left us with 5 schools. the results came out last week. we received 2 flat out no and were waitlisted on 3 others, which was really just a nice way of saying, NO. after peeling each other off of the ceiling, and letting go of hyper ventilating, we jumped into plan b. first we called a few of our connections who are now only to glad to make a few phone calls (as one friend said to us, don't you know that that is what the game is all about, it's an insiders club - no, i thought you just followed the instructions....). then i did the eeny meeny miney moe thing and found a school from the list of indenpendent schools that are still accepting applications. fast forward to today, we had an interview, tour and playdate. the verdict will be in next week as to whether it is a yeah or a nah. pray for the yeah as public school in the borough of manhattan in the great city of new york is not an option.

if this isn't enough.... once again i plan to take the new york bar exam next july. i begin studying with a bar prep tutor on march 1st. i think i just might pass this time as i've finally been told what my problem is..... 1. i think like a girl and 2. having previously been (and always will be) a creative artist i'm a right brain person trying to enter a left brain world . this new tutor promises to teach me how to think linear. once i figure out what the heck that means i guess i'll be on my way.

i say a prayer every day and every night for my two little snowflakes sitting on ice in the heart of new delhi. mama hasn't forgotten you. hold on..... i'm coming. it may be by a slow boat through china but one way or another i'm coming to get my babies!

ciao for now

Saturday, January 1, 2011

thank you all just for being you

dear all
happy new year! i have been at a loss for words yet here it is new years day, 2011 and i am so full of hope, joy and excitement, ever so grateful for all that i have that i just wanted to wish everyone the very best. i've been known to ramble on and on and today shouldn't be any exception. i belive last night, just before the stroke of 12 midnight, i had an ephifany. i kissed the first decade of the 21st century goodbye and welcomed 2011. i feel as though i planted good seeds and feel positive that they will yield good fruit.

i reminsced all of dec 4, 2010 as it made one year since i sent my wee ones over to new delhi to be in the good hands of dr. shivani, awaiting to manifest onto this earthly garden. and still we wait as our funds are depleted and with two failed attempts and only one more try to go, we refuse to give up hope to receiving a little brother or sister for our baby julia.

i didn't pass the new york bar exam, we didn't have a baby, we haven't sold our house and our careers are still on tender hooks. however we have enjoyed the good fortune of being a family, in love, in good health and continuing to share in the joy of all of those who have had their babies. wow. i've learned a lot from reading the blogs and at a recent christmas party when i overheard someone talking about their up coming trip to india for a 3 week vacation, i inwardly smiled and was able to share so much about the country with them. so much so that they exclaimed, "have you been there?" only in my heart i replied.

i gained a lot of insight from reading the blog of faith to vishwas - edward is deep. and so i feel strong and can be happy with what ever the good lord bestows upon us. in my deep heart of heart, soul of soul, i miss my baby(ies) still in a frozen state. i cuddle and care for him/her/them even though they are on the other side. they are alive in my heart.

i love my daughter and husband more and more each day. i will continue to follow you all on your journey and wish you the very very best now and always. to my family in surrogacy. Happy New Year!