Thursday, August 12, 2010

one question

okay just one question... how is it that the whole universe is in constant motion and i seem to be at a complete standstill. our house still hasn't sold, my husband's biggest client just went bankrupt (due to no fault of his own. some things are just bigger than we mere mortals), i'm still at square one with our last little snowflake, who must be frozen to death by now....

i know i said just one question but actually there's two. the second one is WHEN

i use to ask my mother the same question, "when am I going to get married and have a baby?" she would reply, holding me in her arms (even though i was well into adulthood), "don't worry, it will happen, when the time is right."

well i'm feeling as though my feet are stuck in flypaper but i guess this is better than sinking in quicksand. so i'll keep my chin up and wait for the sun to shine.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Been such a long time

Seems like such a long time since I've written about what's going on in my world though I have tried to keep up with everyone elses. After undergoing the most intense period of my life, I have taken the New York Bar exam. I literally "hit the wall" as my husband would say, in that I studied so hard until near the end, I just couldn't study any more. I tried but not another piece of information would come into my head. I was forced to stop! Unbelieveable. Alas, it was exam day. I was nervous. The exam began. I felt a throbbing in my throat. I quickly got over it. Through the 50 multiple choice questions I went and onto the essays. At first, I froze. Everything I had memorized, for hours, suddenly I went blank. Stop! Take another deep breath. It came back. I wrote furiously as we were constantly reminded, time is of the essence. Lunch time. The lines to the ladies room were wrapped around the room. Bummer. Dash outside into the warmth of the sun. The testing room was freezing as the air conditioner was on blast. Back for the afternoon session. Three more essays. Doing good, doing good until ahhhh, wouldn't you know it. The one thing I didn't cover only because I couldn't do anymore was the one question asked: In the world of corporations, talk about a proxy! F%&*. Well, how hard could that be. Fake it! Whew. The bell rang, I finished the exam. Day one. Done.

So, I should rush home, eat, study, prepare for day two, early to bed. Somehow, I couldn't do it. Instead, I wandered around Times Square, in a daze. I thought, maybe I should just rent a hotel room, take a hot bath, sink into the covers, ahhhh. Yes! No! If you think there is a recession, think again. Not in NYC there's not. There wasn't a room to be had, anywhere. Holy S@#$. It's 10:00pm. I'm still wandering aimlessly. Get on the dreaded subway. Bury my face in my hands. Cry all the way uptown. I arrive home. Husband is traveling back from Deleware where he spent the day golfing. GOLFING! My sitter, who had done a great job all summer cooking dinner, and washing the dishes, tonight of all nights, the kitchen is a disaster. I send her home, nervous because it is so late and she too has to travel the dreaded subway. At least my darling Julia is asleep. Clean up the freaking kitchen. Have a cup of hot tea, one liquid Advil (all I need is one) off to sleep I go. Awake for day two of the exam. Last night, the worse night of the year, thank goodness is over, gone back into oblivion where it came from. Back in my seat. 200 multiple choice questions. Doing good. About 3pm I begin to fade. Snap to it kiddo, you can do it. 4:30pm. Finish, I did it. The End.

Having now, decompressed, here I am, asking the questions I asked several years ago.... Who am I, Where am I going and How am I going to get there. My baby, India, India, My Baby!

To be continued......